Apple Lauded in Middle East for Wiping Israel Off Maps™

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THE FERTILE CRESCENT — Although many technology critics have complained that Apple’s iPhone Maps application is borderline unusable, the company has garnered praise from some Middle Eastern users for completely omitting the state of Israel from the face of the Earth.

“Praise be Allah, Praise be Apple Incorporated!” exclaimed Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, a fervent supporter of the destruction of the Jewish state. “Their Maps app has finally wiped the unholy Zionist regime from the pages of history. Now if only it could show me a route to Hosni’s Shawarma Palace that doesn’t involve fording the Karaj River.”

Abdul Omar, a Palestinian goat herder, is particularly elated by the lack of an Israeli presence in Maps. “For years the Jews have redrawn borders in the region, stealing my people’s homeland, and now they are a victim of their own practice. Apple has redrawn Maps, invalidating the Zionist claim to the land of Palestine,” said Omar. “But seriously, why does this thing insist I take Alhata Road to get to the Buhabi grasslands? That unnecessarily adds like 5 kilometers and three IDF checkpoints.”

Despite being caused by a general lack of quality control, Apple CEO Tim Cook has reluctantly commended the omission, which has immensely increased sales in the region. “The way Apple products become successful in emerging markets is through innovation,” said Cook during a press conference, “and this pioneering feature literally makes us all ‘think different’ about the global landscape.”

After raucous protests from the Anti-Defamation League, Cook issued a private email to Jewish customers apologizing for what he called an “unfortunate accident.” An upgraded Maps application is imminent and will likely employ a two-state solution. Apple plans to accommodate the territorial dispute by releasing different versions of the software, which will be called iOSrael 6 and Macintifada 10.5.

Originally Published: November 2012

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