MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY – Geologists and archaeologists everywhere are now finding it easier than ever to seek true love with the ancient artifacts of their dreams after the recent launch of the carbon-dating website C-Harmony.com.

“Archaeology can be a lonely field sometimes,” explained founder Dr. Allen Dumire. “Back in the golden days – you know, when Jurassic Park was popular – being an archaeologist or paleontologist was a one-way ticket to pound-town. But nowadays you’d be surprised how hard it is to find another human being who finds Sumerian farm animal teeth interesting. That’s why I started C-Harmony. Archaeologists can finally reach out to those that truly make them happiest – inanimate objects.”

C-Harmony matches archaeologists with carbon-dated artifacts based on 29 dimensions of compatibility, ranging from C-14 content to suspected culture of origin. Users can read artifacts’ profiles, view photos, and even organize meet-ups with their matches for more intimate, one-on-one exhibit showings.

Since its launch in early November, C-Harmony has seen its customer base expand to over 5,000 users and has received overwhelmingly positive reviews.

“I don’t know where I would be without C-Harmony,” recalled satisfied customer Greg Sampson. “Now that I’ve found this ancient didgeridoo to share myself with, I’m finally with something that accepts me for who I am. The sex is great too.”

“Sure, this Assyrian vase is 2,000 years older than me,” explained frequent user Dr. Susie Feldman, “but age is a just a number. When you’re gently brushing away sediment from his finely crafted neck while looking into where you think his eyes would be, you forget about the age gap.”

While the site concentrates on fostering long-term relationships, some archaeologists admit to simply wanting a short-term fling. As a U. archaeology professor recently confided, “I’m just looking for a rock to get my rocks off with.”