Engineers Baffled

Imagine walking into your science, math, or engineering class and being confronted with a GSI who speaks perfectly enunciated English. It's happening, and it's happening here at Michigan.

Dozens of students in EECS 307 have filed complaints in the last few weeks with the College of Engineering. EECS 307 professor Lenny Thurston has been criticized heavily in recent weeks for employing t ... Read more

NAACP Criticizes KKK for Lack of Diversity

In a rally held last Wednesday on the steps of the Skokie County courthouse outside of Chicago, Illinois NAACP president Kwiesi Mfume criticized the Ku Klux Klan for its "preferential" process by which it selects its members.

"As I look underneath the hoods of the many klan members who threw shards of glass and called us scum during our peaceful gathering today, I noticed that there isn ... Read more

Gary Kasparov Defeated by IBM's "Deep Throat"

LAS VEGAS, NV--In yet another much anticipated showdown between man and machine, Gary Kasparov was defeated last week by IBM's latest chess playing supercomputer, Deep Throat. The match against the obviously wilier machine had Kasparov fans baffled.

"He really got off to a bad start. In his opening move, he shoved a pawn forward eight spaces, wavered back, moved a little to the right, d ... Read more

'Melting Pot' Metaphor Declared Unjust by Gas-like Minority Groups

The latest offensive in a long assault against the 'Melting Pot' metaphor was launched Tuesday at a press conference called by the Gaseous Minority Association. The GMA released a statement reading, in part, that "unless the Melting Pot is renamed the Melting/Sublimation Pot, this nation has failed to live up to its promises."

The 'Melting Pot' has a proud history of media overuse, but ... Read more

Anthropology Majors Study Each Other In Attempt to Understand Why Anyone Would Major In Anthropology

ANN ARBOR, MI -- Michigan's anthropology department has embarked on a massive project to unravel one of the fundamental mysteries of human existence: why anyone would major in anthropology.

"This is a really exciting time," said Steven Beckett, a wiry, 28-year-old anthropology grad student, "not only does this study have society-wide implications, but if it is successful I can get my mo ... Read more

Residential College Renamed "Rocky Horror Picture College"

The Residential College, long known for having some of the fucking weirdest people in the world enrolled within its East Quad boundaries, has decided to rename itself the "Rocky Horror Picture College" in the spirit of honesty.

The directors of the Residential College renamed the school to more accurately reflect the "nature and spirit" of the living-learning community. "I think the nam ... Read more