one hundred and ten years of oops! we did it again

Basement Society Removed From Michigan Union

The University struck another blow against racism on campus yesterday when it forced one of the Union's famous secret "basement societies" to give up their space in the student union. "We've made small steps forward but there's still a long journey ahead," said University president Lee Bollinger in a formal statement.

Bollinger's remarks came only after protesters made the society infam ... Read more

39 Russians Die in Horrible Falling Down Accident

MOSCOW, RUSSIA-Russia's "Black August", during which 112 sailors died aboard the submarine Kursk, 11 people died in a Moscow bomb attack, and 3 people died in a fire in the Ostankino television tower, has apparently extended into September. This time, close to 40 people are dead after falling down in the middle of Moscow.

According to the Russian news source Itar-Tess, some 50 people, a ... Read more

Woman Ends "Buffer Relationship," Resumes Conventional Dating

After a three week association with self-proclaimed "Sweet Guy" John Anderson, LS&A sophomore Angela Tiller has declared her plans to move onward to a more prestigious relationship. "He was there for me when I needed him, and made me feel special when I felt like garbage," she said in a prepared statement. "I will always love what he did for me and cherish him forever- oh look! It's my old boyfrie ... Read more

Students Petition to Replace Online CRISP With 2001's Hal

Students and faculty have been complaining about CRISP for years, and when the Registrar's office finally decided to do something about it, both groups celebrated. But technological progress often comes at a cost, and when the Registrar's office replaced the venerable, hated phone CRISP system with a new, hated online CRISP system, they unwittingly stepped on Engineering senior Harvey Sanders' dre ... Read more

Sammy Sosa, Eleven Others Die in Pepsi Challenger Explosion

CAPE CANAVERAL, FLORIDA-Flags around the country are flying at half-mast this morning and an entire nation is still in shock after the nation's worst shuttle accident since the 1986 Challenger explosion. The new "Pepsi Challenger" shuttle and all twelve crewmembers were lost yesterday when the left rocket booster lost carbonation. Further details of why the mission failed are still sketchy while c ... Read more