Kevin McCallister-style Boobytraps Expected To Be A Match for Hill Thieves
Campus - Over Christmas break, Markley, Alice Lloyd, Mosher-Jordan, and Stockwell will attempt to guard themselves against robbery by employing techniques similar to those of raucous, lovable Kevin McCallister from the "Home Alone" series of films."We encourage each and every student on the Hill to lock their doors and close their windows to protect themselves from theft," said Sue Ec ... Read more
Exclusive Excerpts From If I Did It, by O.J. Simpson
O.J. Simpson, ex-professional footballman, recently penned If I Did It, in which O.J. hypothesizes how O.J. might have theoretically killed his ex-wife and her friend. The work was deemed highly controversial, mostly for its use of post-modern anti-structuralism, as well as a few instances of moderate airbrushing of factual material. The publisher canceled the book deal, but several exce ... Read more
YouTube Renews “Michael Richards Hates Ni**ers” for Second Season
AP - Former Seinfeld star Michael Richards made headlines recently with his hit television show, Michael Richards Hates N*g*ers. The show was produced by YouTube, an online media-sharing outlet, which announced yesterday that they would be renewing the show for a second season."There was no question," said YouTube spokesperson John Allan. "The ratings were through the roof. I'd say Ric ... Read more
Iraq's landscape annexed to resemble "peace" sign in time for holiday season
BAGHDAD—Military officials confirmed a leaked report by the Defense Department detailing a plan to annex Iraq into three equal parts, which, when viewed from the air, will resemble a gigantic peace sign.“We thought it was one of the few ways each distinct group in Iraq could get it’s own, delegated living area, and also be cosmetically pleasing,” Gen. Norm Chaddett, the Army general in ... Read more
