"Dorknic Cleansing" Continues Unabated

ANN ARBOR - Civil war continues unabated on the University of Michigan's North and Central campuses. Local authorities are powerless to stop the worst occurrence of "dorknic cleansing" since the very activist, very hip days of the 1960s, as hundreds of engineers were forcibly bused to refugee camps in the north of Ann Arbor yesterday, despite desperate pleas to be allowed to stay.

At ar ... Read more

Jesse Jackson Negotiates Early Release of Star Wars: Episode II

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA � Last night the Rev. Jesse Jackson emerged victorious from a grueling 18-hour negotiation between George Lucas and 20th Century Fox Distributors. Jackson has successfully negotiated the early release of Star Wars: Episode II.

"The Force will be with you, before the year 2002," rhymed Jackson, leader of the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition. "Seeing George Lucas and 20th Cent ... Read more

Whites Searching for Hyphenated Name

TOLEDO, OHIO � Two hundred angry white males marched on Toledo this Tuesday to demand their own hyphenated, ethnic-sounding name.

"White people are tired of being ignored by the politically correct cognoscenti of this country", says Lloyd Weaver, leader of Whites In Need Of Sufferance (WINOS). "Almost every group in this country has a name with a hyphen in it indicating their extrem ... Read more