LARGE HEADLINES CAUSE CANCER

WASHINGTON, DC-In a surprising press release Wednesday, the National Institute of Health revealed the results of a 5-year study linking large headlines and deadly cancer.

"For a while we thought that it was only headlines from USA Today that cause cancer," said Dr. David Clarke, director of new research at the NIH, "but when we expanded our research into more reputable newspapers such a ... Read more

Asians Create Own End of Year Holiday

In an effort to integrate into Western culture, the University of Michigan's Asian American Association (UMAAA) gave final approval yesterday to "Grundel," a new year-end Asian American holiday slated for December 27th.

Asians have felt left out of the holiday season for decades. "Everyone has some type of Christmasy holiday except we Asians," said Jason Ching, president of UMAAA. "I me ... Read more