Campus Has a Dream, Sleeps Through MLK Day Events
The University of Michigan campus awoke Tuesday morning to the shocking revelation that it had once again slept through Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and its scheduled activities. "Dude," said sophomore pharmacy student Drew Thompson, scratching his head and still wearing his pajamas and bathrobe. "Maybe I should have woken up earlier and um...gone, I guess."Thompson was one of the es ... Read more
Supreme Court Bans Church Prayer
WASHINGTON, DC-Just a few months after announcing a ruling banning pre-game, student-led prayers at football games, the Supreme Court released another judgement forbidding parishioner-led, parishioner-initiated prayers before, during, and after church ceremonies."Church sponsorship of a religious message is impermissible because it sends the ancillary message to members of the audience ... Read more
A-Rod To Merge With Daimler-Chrylser
DETROIT-After signing the most lucrative contract in baseball history with the Texas Rangers, shortstop Alex Rodriguez, has successfully negotiated plans to merge with and acquire an operating interest in big three auto manufacturer DaimlerChrysler at the end of spring training.This announcement comes amidst rumors of massive cutbacks within the car giant. "Sagging profits make this ne ... Read more
