Janet Jackson's Breast Wins Michigan Primary
In the week following the Super Bowl, Janet Jackson's right breast eclipsed other Democratic presidential candidates to win the Michigan Democratic primary.Despite being on the cover of Rolling Stone and Time, no one seems to remember or care about Howard Dean anymore in light of the breast's appearance. In the Michigan Primaries, Ms. Jackson's right breast took 37% of Michigan vote, K ... Read more
Riff-Raff Flogged For Entering Honors Commons
Tensions between the Honors College and the "Norms" reached a head this week as two LS&A sophomores received corporal punishment after entering the Perlman Honors Commons. Obadiah Shegogue and Woody "Two Scoops" McGillicutty claimed ignorance of any infraction, but were not spared as Honors administration personnel displayed them on a platform in the Diag and flogged the offenders with a cat 'o ni ... Read more
President Bush To Forego Traditional Suit, Tie For "God Hates Fags" T-Shirt
The President announced Wednesday that he will no longer sport the traditional presidential single breasted suit, shirt and tie ensemble in favor of a more partisan clothing choice. "I'm just going to wear this from now on," the President said from the Oval Lazy-Boy while motioning to his chest with the neck of a Rolling Rock bottle, "I think this is better, and way more comfortable." The Presiden ... Read more
