one hundred and fourteen years of really only being around for five

Kucinich Proposes Four-Person Democratic Nominee

WASHINGTON D.C,--With the nation's top Democrats wasting time and money attacking each other instead of the Republicans, Congressman Dennis Kucinich unveiled a possible solution at the most recent presidential debate--a four man nominee, codenamed Quadra.

Quadra would be composed of the four democrats still actively vying for the presidential nomination--Senator John Kerry of Massachuse ... Read more

Freud Rises From Dead, Tells World 'Sometimes Shit's Just Pointy�

LONDON, ENGLAND--Famous psychoanalyst and cigar aficionado Dr. Sigmund Freud miraculously rose from his grave last Wednesday to clarify his frequently applied theories on psychosexual development, the Libido, and All Things Weenie Shaped. Dr. Freud died in 1939 and was buried in an impressively large womb of a coffin, but felt compelled to return to the living world--or "pull out"--for several rea ... Read more

Military Records Prove Bush WWII Hero

Washington, D.C.--After much scrutiny from Democrats, the White House has released records regarding President Bush's National Guard service. New documents reveal that Bush was a heroic World War II fighter pilot.

"These documents prove just how much the president has served his country," said White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan. "These rumors of being AWOL are obviously false. ... Read more

Man Saves Friendship, Cute Little Antique Teacups That Are Absolutely Fabulous

LSA Sophomore Benjamin Clayton has recently been adjusting to the little white lie that he used to help ease the rejection of his friend Aubrey Hunter. �We�ve really close, but it�s always been strictly platonic,� said Clayton, referring to Hunter�s bold but �completely fucked up� proposal to take their friendship to the next level. �I mean, there�s no way I�d actually touch th ... Read more