Lost Cambodian Tourist Found Leading Econ Discussion

Government officials located 38-year-old Cambodian tourist Malol Ka-Pan at 1PM Wednesday, surrounded by students in 134 Lorch.

A confused and frustrated Ka-pan began running a discussion section after being separated from his campus tour group while taking pictures of the

Dollar Dog stand. University President Mary Sue Coleman apologized for the mix-up, saying, "I am deeply t ... Read more

Noted University Professor Caught Using Backup Vocals in Lecture

KALAMAZOO, MI-Late last week, esteemed Professor Sal Hempsworth of WMU's psychology department was caught using backup vocals during a lecture on Piaget�s stage theory of development. Approximately twenty minutes into the 90-minute lecture, students were perplexed when Hempsworth's voice droned on even as the professor took a drink of his coffee. Hempsworth realized the costly mistake seconds la ... Read more

Study Reveals Rove Ignored Dangers of Extensive Exposure to President Bush

A study released by the FDA Tuesday shows conclusively that Karl Rove, CEO of the United States of America and sole distributor of President George W. Bush, was aware well over ten years ago that Bush was not �suited for public consumption.�

According to the report, Rove continued to promote and distribute Bush even as the evidence of Bush�s ability to kill grew to undeniable leve ... Read more

Daily Sports Headline Writer Looks Ahead to Bleak Winter, Lack of Punny Surnames

Phil Nelson, writer of sports headlines for Michigan�s student run newspaper does not have a lot to look forward to this winter, and neither do the readers of the Michigan Daily (114 years of �Why yes, yes I do write for the Michigan Daily�). Nelson has expressed his apprehension in a tone some described as �melancholy� or �unpublishable� in a recent interview in the Daily.

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End of Football Season Brings Welcome End to Marching Band Season

As it seems everyone on campus unanimously agrees, there is one positive aspect of a Michigan football season closing--the end of the Michigan Marching Band. The Marching band, commonly referred to as �the infected, parasitic growth that feeds off football season� will end its daily, boisterous practices that have driven students to white-hot murderous rage.

Student complaints have ... Read more