Dance Marathon Institutes Draft

ANN ARBOR, MI--Leaders of Dance Marathon, a campus group which hosts a yearly event to raise money for various rehabilitation programs at children's hospitals in the area, shocked the student body this Tuesday by announcing this year's dancers would be chosen by a campus-wide draft instead of relying on volunteers as they have in previous years. Participants will now be chosen in a lottery based o ... Read more

Weather Channel Releases Classic Forecasts On DVD

Fans of the long-running, alwaysinnovative Weather Channel are anxiously awaiting the Fall release of the very fi rst "Best Of The Weather Channel" DVD set. The sixty-eight disk compilation will include the best forecasts from the channel's 1982 debut year to the present, producing a boxed set that rivals The Lord of the Rings in its unnecessarily exhaustive thoroughness.

Producers of ... Read more

Nation Mourns Loss of Last Boob-Themed Holiday

NEW ORLEANS, LA - On August 29th, Hurricane Katrina swept over the Gulf Coast, leaving thousands with lost loved ones, many more without homes, and a whole nation without its last remaining boobcentered holiday.

"There's no way to express the loss this nation has suffered," said New Orleans resident Cliff Bumpkin. "Mardi Gras was the only day of the year when we all came together as a p ... Read more