one hundred and seventeen years of mocking the deceased

Local Rapist Surprised At Being Named Time's Person Of The Year

ANN ARBOR, MI - Area librarian and convicted sex offender John McDonough was recently surprised at being named Time's 2006 Person of the Year.

"It didn't really make sense," McDonough said of the magazine's choice. "I thought it was odd that Time would select someone who'd been convicted of ten cases of sexual assault. Not to mention...certain 'other' things."

"But after a wh ... Read more

Dozens Feared Stoned In West Quad Chilling Spree

ANN ARBOR, MI - Authorities, students, and families remain dazed this morning after two LSA freshmen, Carl Martinez and Alex Green, went on a chilling spree that left several students completely stoned and many more slightly buzzed. Families of the affected are still trying to piece together exactly what happened and why.

The spree started around 4:00 PM. Video surveillance cameras show ... Read more

Gerald Ford's Corpse Plays In Final, Emotional Rose Bowl

PASADENA, CA -- Before being laid to rest outside his presidential museum in Grand Rapids, MI, on Jan. 2nd, deceased President Gerald Ford had one final wish: to play in the Granddaddy Of Them All, the 2007 Rose Bowl game.

Ford's corpse, which suited up at center on the Wolverines offensive line for the game in Pasadena, CA on New Year's Day, was determined eligible to play by the NCAA ... Read more

Top Aides, World of Warcraft Players Advise Bush on New Iraq Policy

WASHINGTON DC -- Earlier this month, President Bush announced his plan to increase ground forces in Iraq in a troop surge of a kind not seen since the war began in 2003. Despite sagging popularity ratings and a majority of Americans urging an end to the conflict in Iraq, Bush went along with the advice of his staff and thousands of players of the popular online game "World of Warcraft" and ultimat ... Read more