What's Her Name's Bid For Total Obscurity Tragically Cut Short

HOLLYWOOD, USA -- The world was plunged into deep mourning this past week over the untimely death of a gorgeous blonde bombshell whose name, up until a few moments ago, was irretrievable. However, reports have just come in that she was a model/actress named Anna Nicole Smith. She was probably something like 39.

Initially misidentified as a sleeping vagrant who had broken into the model' ... Read more

North Campus Adopts Broken English As Official Language

ANN ARBOR, MI -- In an elaborate public ceremony three days ago, Dave Munson, Dean of Engineering and ostensible "President of North Campus," declared Broken English the official language of North Campus. The proceedings to officially adopt the new language were held outside the Duderstadt, and featured unintelligible keynote speeches by Electrical Engineering Chair and emcee of the ceremony, Wei- ... Read more

Pioneer Student Expelled After Terrifying Hit List Discovered In Locker

ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN -- Pioneer High School students, faculty, and community members were shocked yesterday when high school junior and marching band co-captain Jonny Hankinson was expelled from school after a "hit list" was discovered in his locker following a random search by school administrators.

"It was terrifying, God-awful," stated Principal Jim Kimball. "You'd never expect someth ... Read more

Hillary Clinton Promises To Halt Global Warming With Icy Heart, Vagina

WASHINGTON, D.C. - New York Senator Hillary Clinton has distinguished herself from the rest of the Democratic forerunners for the 2008 presidential nomination by promising that her cold, unfeeling demeanor, which famously emasculated the later years of husband Bill Clinton's presidency, can and will abate the process of global warming.

"You know that spell of arctic weather that has re ... Read more

Lance Bass Drives 2,000 Miles To Pee On Gay Lover

In arguably the most bizarre love quadrangle in recorded history, Lance Bass was arrested after driving from his home in Los Angeles to Orlando, Florida, a distance of 2,000 miles, to pee on William Oefelein, his secret and unfaithful gay lover.

Oefelein, a Space Shuttle pilot with NASA who'd already been targeted by former colleague Lisa Nowak in a crime of passion, was reportedly dous ... Read more