Cat Given Award

ANN ARBOR - If you happen to see Pistachio the cat anytime soon, make sure you offer him a congrat-mew-lations!

That's because Pistachio was the winner of the Friskiest Cat Award at the 10th annual National Cat Show held yearly in Chantilly, VA.

The judges were obviously "smitten" with this kitten!

"Pistachio stood out to us as a fitting example of fat-cat-friskine ... Read more

Poorly-Behaved Woman Probably Also Not Going To Make History

VIA SIDEKICK - In a surprising rebuke to women's AIM infos everywhere, Jenna Walker, a poorly-behaved 21-year old U-M junior, will, like her well-behaved counterparts, probably also not make history, local historians surmised last week.

Walker, a sociology major who has spent countless nights she can't remember with the girls she'll never forget, has made "little to no headway" in her a ... Read more

Everything In House Gradually Ending Up In Dave's Room

CAMPUS - Housemates at Dave's 1412 Geddes pad recently reported that they couldn't help noticing the gradual disappearance of stuff from the collective living room over the past couple of months.

Notable items such as the house football, the small fridge, the 32-inch Panasonic plasma TV, and the Playstation III have all slowly disappeared from the living room premises, only to reappear ... Read more

Student Updates Facebook Newsfeed With Attempt Just Made On His Life

CAMPUS - Tragedy was avoided last week after Dexter Grey, a U-M sophomore, took what could have been his last moments on earth to update his Facebook profile with the news that he had just been brutally assaulted.

Grey's update to his profile which read, "Dexter Grey is...bleding profusly frm multpil stab wunds", was intercepted by Ann Arbor police, who happened to be trolling Facebook ... Read more

Apple Launches New iDiot

NEW YORK - Apple developer Steve Jobs announced last week that the hotly-anticipated iDiot - part personal assistant, part musical device, part man-child - will launch in time for the holiday season.

Jobs, whose company's stock is expected to double in value in the wake of iDiot's premiere, excitedly described the new gadget to an audience of programmers gathered in California's Silic ... Read more

Oh, Come Now, Ryan Mallett Isn't That Inconsistent, Is He?

Ladies and gentlemen, please, please! Settle down now! Let's put an end to this talk about the immaturity of Ryan Mallett for just one moment, and give this poor young man a chance to breathe!

It is I, Sir Bryan P. Hammer III, speaking in defense of the number two quarterback recruit in the nation, Mister Ryan Mallett of Texarkana, Texas.

I am an intimate friend of this young ... Read more

Discovery Channel To Premiere "Man vs. The Man From 'Man vs. Wild'"

TV LAND - Developers of the Discovery Channel survival show "Man vs. Wild" are planning on adding a new dimension to the reality series to boost ratings for the November sweeps period.

Rumors have leaked that the new show will feature a trained assassin, whose goal it will be to murder host Bear Grylls as he attempts to survive the harsh elements of nature.

The assassin, who ... Read more