Local Terrorists Deal with Tragedy
ANN ARBOR, MI -- Brad Hughes, president of the anti-abortion group NAACBU (National Association of Abortion Clinic Blower Uppers), announced yesterday that he and the rest of his violent "political" organization believe that an appropriate amount of time has passed since the September 11th tragedies to "return to normal" as president Bush has implored."The events of September 11th made ... Read more
Interim President a Candidate for More Prestigious Interim Presidencies
ANN ARBOR, MI - Less than a month after being named interim president of the University of Michigan, former Business School Dean B. Joseph White announced that he had allowed his name to be considered for several other major collegiate-interim-presidency openings."This was a very difficult decision," White said in a statement released yesterday, "And although I found it extremely easy ... Read more
Teenagers React: "Maybe Things Aren't So Bootylicious After All"
NEW YORK, NY - Nearly two months after the terrorist attacks on New York and Washington, it seems that the complex socio-political ramifications of the tragedies are finally sinking in for our nation's teenagers.In recent weeks, teenagers from around the country have been overheard making earnest, deeply conflicted exclamations of "huh," "whoa," "fly," "not fly," "geometry is hard," an ... Read more
Bhutan Pledges Meaningless Support
Speaking from his palace in the capital city of Thimphu yesterday, King Jigme Singye Wangchuck pledged complete and absolute support of the Bhutanese people for President Bush's fledgling International Anti-Terrorism coalition. "In times of great moral crisis, the international community must speak with one voice," said his highness. "And it is that same sense of brotherhood, that Bhutan vows to d ... Read more
Al-Zawahiri Tops Bush�s Most Wanted List, #2 in BCS Poll
A spokesman for Ayman al-Zawahiri of the Egyptian Islamic Jihad stated Tuesday how pleased al-Zawahiri was to see that he was ranked #1 in George Bush's List of Most Wanted terrorists."I'm happy," stated al-Zawahiri, "I mean you do like to get recognized, however I'm not doing what I do because of rankings. I do it because I'm an evil bastard and I like profaning the basically humanist ... Read more
