Billionaire Albino Nazis Boycott Michigan Review

Just weeks after several minority student organizations announced a boycott of The Michigan Daily, the Billionaire Albino Nazi student organization announced a boycott of conservative paper The Michigan Review on Friday.

"The Review has gone soft," said Clayton Forrester, president of the Billionaire Albino Nazis, or BAN. "It used to be Pat Buchanan conservative. Now it's only Strom Thu ... Read more

Colonel Sanders Deployed to Middle East

West Bank-- Following decades of violent fighting and unsuccessful treaties, the Middle East peace negotiations will undergo a major overhaul in the coming weeks, as the U.S. has deployed seasoned armed forces veteran and fast food connoisseur Colonel Harland Sanders into the West Bank to take part in a peace forum with high-ranking Israeli and Palestinian officials. American leaders are eagerly a ... Read more

Retarded Man Only Person Surprised by Law & Order Plot Twist Implicating Wife

Following the Tuesday night airing of Law & Order, the NBC series entering its 57th season, local resident Todd Worholtz was the only viewer nationwide to be surprised by a plot twist connecting the defendant's wife to the crime. Worholtz has an I.Q. of 43.

"I must say, I never saw that one coming," Worholtz reported minutes after watching the show. "There was no reason for the w ... Read more

Student Not Sure What to Do with Bible

Andrew Peirson, a University of Michigan junior, accepted a pocket-sized copy of the Bible when he passed by the intersection of State and South University on Wednesday.

"Sure, um, I guess," he said to a parishioner from the Church of Christ, Ann Arbor, when asked if he would like a copy.

The slightly confused Peirson continued walking to class, unsure exactly what to do. "I ... Read more

Attractive Female Has Been Told, "It's getting hot in here," 7318 Times

LS&A junior Stephanie DeMarcus has reportedly been told, "It's getting hot in here," 7318 times in the past year.

"It's getting really confusing," said DeMarcus. "I mean, I can do a pretty good job of recognizing changes in temperature. Global warming is a significant problem, but it hardly affects the temperature of a particular room by such a significant amount that someone might say, ... Read more