Brady, Brady, He's My Man [For The Upcoming Draft]!

By Wayne Terrill, Convicted College Footballphile

I don't know about you, but I had a splendid time following college football last season. My Saturday nights were spent glued to the television set, figuring out which of the NCAA's bright, young college beefcakes I'd solicit if I had the first overall pick in the draft.

And my choice didn't change the whole year, even after the one I had my eye on got pretty rocked in his bowl game.

You probably guessed what prize I'm thinking of -- that man-mountain himself, that Irish do-gooder, little number 10. I'm talking about Brady Quinn!

Yep, Brady Quinn is my man [for the upcoming draft]!

Why do I prefer Brady over other men? I like his form. He grew stronger both physically and mentally as the year went on, even as his critics went down on him over and over again.

Well, I've reviewed the tapes, and I, for one, think he looked great all season, even in loss. Did you see his pythons? What a stunning physique on that guy!

Even after Michigan practically bent him over early on, he came into the next game against Michigan State looking calm and ready. When the Spartans were ahead, Brady staged one of the most spinetingling come-backs I've ever had the pleasure of sitting off to the side and watching.

In my mind's eye, he's still crouched in front of the line, shouting, "Hut! Hut!", and waiting for that smooth leather pigskin to get hiked up into his abdomen through the golden thighs of his center. Those Notre Dame jerseys sure are neat, aren't they?

But fear not: when Brady sensed a lot of pressure coming from the back, and could feel himself about to clench up, he was always ready to scramble away and catch his breath before taking a poke downfield.

There were even those rare instances when Brady tucked the ball and took off, and those big linemen had a helluva time wrapping their arms around him. Boy, I sympathized with them!

Another reason I like Quinn a lot is because he's a franchise quarterback. A group of big guys - ideally the Los Angeles Raiders - could really build something around Brady if he got drafted, something to keep him around for a long time. I picture like a big fence or cage, something with iron bars. That's the best way I have of visualizing it.

You'd better take good care of him, you Raiders. He's still a growing boy!

I was encouraged by the father-son connection that Brady seemed to enjoy with Charlie Weis, too. He's obviously an obedient boy who would listen to his superior if he's done wrong and needs to be punished. But he's got a mischievous side to him that I can appreciate, that comes with some long maturation.

Any coach would be lucky to have Brady Quinn under his tutelage.

I don't buy the bull that says Quinn never won a quality game either. I joked to my buddies that America should have to surrender to him, since he beat Air Force, Army, and Navy all in the same year.

Now there's a guy I wouldn't mind surrendering myself to!

What have we here? NFL.com/draft has a front page story about Brady's strenuous workout at the NFL combine. Boy, the Internet sure is a great place to find information about all the male athletes in your life.

All this, I think, points to one thing: on April 28th, we're going to see Brady Quinn's glistening arms hoist up that Los Angeles Raiders jersey; his broad chest swelling with pride; his butt; his lips parted in a winning smile; his fine, white teeth glinting in the dying embers of the firelight (that's how they light those ceremonies, right?).

I wonder if he would have gay sex with me.