one-hundred-seventeen-years of not suffering fools gladly

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National News

Bush Regrets Declaring End Of Major Cancer Operations in Tony Snow

Al Gore Announces Plans To Run For His Life

Yuppie Stock Broker Only Snorts Micro-Brewed Cocaine

Released British Hostages Eager to Start Acting British Again

Child Misunderstands Meaning, Seriousness Of "HIV Positive" Diagnosis

Campus News

Clinton To Graduating Class: "I'm So Sorry You Weren't Born Eight Years Earlier"

Frieze Building Swears It Only Fell Down The Stairs

Freshman Is The Only Freshman He Knows Who Didn't Waste Freshman Year

Detroit Project Abandoned

WEB EXTRA: Care Bear Cousins Not Accurate Portrayal of Evolutionary Relationships

Sports

International Bodybuilders Stage Glistening Protest Of Sweat-Free Labor

Michael Phelps Shatters Swimming Records Previously Held By Himself, Old Men

Brady, Brady, He's My Man [For The Upcoming Draft]!

Wherever I Stand, I Stand With Hebrew National Hot Dogs

Ohio State Troops Quietly Withdrawn From Iraq

Editorials

The E3W Point/Counterpoint: April 2007

Honey, I Don't Think Our Relationship Will Survive This Doomsday Cult

Entertainment

Snakes On A Plane Special Edition DVD To Feature 1 Hr 45 Min Blooper Reel

Advice

The Every Three Weekly Obligatory Advice Column

Other Stuff

E3W Ad: The iPod Maxi

Features

The E3W Guide To Why Carson Butler (Allegedly) Beat That Random Kid Up On St. Patrick's Day

WEB EXTRA: Laser Goose!

E3W Ad: The iPod Maxi