Special: Explosively Radical Seizure-Inducing Reports Claim News Is Sensationalized

AP— Hey jackass! The Sternburg School of Communications recently published a report claiming that the media has been sensationalizing the news by using slanderous journalism techniques and obvious bias!

This outrageously-shocking allegation published Tuesday has effectively brought severe drought to the Midwest, catalyzed a wave of abortions, and inspired at least 250 million Americans to head out on a journey West to find themselves/ Curley’s Gold.

The report was published by anonymous authors, which has many believing, as intuition and common sense would lead any human being to the conclusion, that terrorists of Al Qaeda are using this report as an alias to fuel its extremist war against America, patriotism, football, outdoor grilling, and diversity.

“Holy shit!” cried everyone interviewed.

The report claimed in large flashing letters that one could scratch and sniff to smell the way their old high school smelled that local and national news coverage was responsible for “intentionally exploiting emotion in senseless ways” and that it has “skewed people’s perception of their own country.”

However, critics of the report say it fails to mention the progressive nature of such news programs as 20/20, which uses this emotion to expose the brutal way in which beef is processed by illegal immigrants/ex-baseball players and their wives with secret talents.

Durp!