Freshman Dazzles Room-Party With Fucking Incredible Beer Pong Run

MARY MARKLEY HALL- Freshman Alex Norris rocked worlds and melted faces Friday night when he and overweight hallmate Paul Morro bested three consecutive pairs of opponents in a boozecrazed beer-riot that would have gotten them written up had it been audible from the RA’s room down the hall.

“Dude, we were all fucking hammered, just going nuts,” recalled roommate Michael Oschotz. “It was freakin’ crazy, man. Seriously. Two cases, dude. Two cases.”

Norris, who at one point made five consecutive shots, was the star of the brew-orgy, having essentially taken the room’s collective atmosphere and skullfucked it into submission with his massive beerpongcock.

“I don’t know how I did it,” grinned the sly dog, fully aware of his radiating awesomeitude. “I played JV back at Forest Groves, I guess some things just transfer, like clutch performance and a sweet J... that stands for jump shot.”

Dazzled hallmates discussed Norris’ performance vigorously the following day at breakfast.

“I swear to god, he was to beer pong what the Decimator is to Warcraft,” stated Morro devilishly, invoking the name of his level 50 orc that he had carefully crafted on World of Warcraft over the last semester. “Only if bouncing were like sorcery, he’d be a firemage with infinite mana.” Sources report that had any girls been present, Norris probably would have “totally gotten to see their boobs.”