Amazon.com User Review Strongly Endorses Barack Obama for President in ‘08
Achtung355, who wields tremendous influence among online user review circles, penned a glowing report for Obama’s sordid and frankly unreadable tale of life as a black person whom under the correct lighting you or I could easily mistake as white, heaping the constructive criticism with promises of an Obama name on the national ticket.
“I toetally gareentee we wull see mEssir Obama debating hooever runs agains him,” promised Achtung355, who, in a follow-up where spellcheck was thankfully used, said Obama’s prose is “moving enough that my legs fell asleep because I forgot I was on the shitter.”
News of the endorsement reached Obama’s political camp, and the Senator says he is very excited about the news.
“We were waiting on pins and needles for Achtung355’s review to come out,” said Obama, who claimed he knew the online personality could “make or break” the Senator’s candidacy.
“We saw how he destroyed [Former Presidential Nominee] John Kerry’s book, A Call to Arms,” said Obama, obviously rattled.
Research shows that after Achtung355’s review, which called Kerry “aflipper,” and “nothing but a meatspinner,” came out, the presidential hopeful’s approval rating dipped dramatically
“Achtung355 blogs like an unemployed computer repairman on Dr. Pepper,” said Obama.
Many cite Obama’s G-rated metaphors as one of the main reasons he has been accepted by middle-America.
But Achtung355’s review has already met with speculation as to its real merit.
“Dream on,” was DummassBeYe’s reply. “Wern’t u the guy who s claimed that Oasis’s follow-up to “Definitely, Maybe” was, and i quote, ‘a clear sign this Manchester duo is ‘the next Beatles?’”
“You dummee!! :)” added DummassBeYe.
The scathing attack, one of DummassBeYe’s signature phrasings, has already caught on among Republicans everywhere. Bill Frist invoked DummassBeYe’s handle in a statement before congress on the current situation of epidemics among young teenagers.
“You think that AIDS can only be transmitted through sex?” questioned Frist. “You dummee!! :)”
Other users have also derided Achtung355’s status as a power user, including *Lemmyrules!*, who seemed to question Achtung355’s very importance as a human being.
“Lemmyrules!” claimed *Lemmyrules!* in a published statement.
“Lemmyrules!” the bombastic personality thoughtlessly added.
In a related story, Senator Obama has reportedly shocked the nation by running naked through the streets of Chicago with a butterfly net, attempting to catch the American Dream, euthanize it, and pin it inside his scrapbook.