The Every Three Weekly Guide to Obscure Proposals That Somehow Managed to Pass

Another midterm election has come and gone, and over the next few months, you will notice a few negligible changes to your State's laws which have little or no bearing on your day to day life. Now that the Democrats are back in power, the government can be regarded as less of a bad joke and more of a stale, withered piece of fruit that generally aggravates but really has no significant impact on life in general. However, having little else to do in the post-election, took the time to find the proposals that passed that managed to slip under the radar. For example, who'd have thought that all advocates of prayer rugs in public schools would get to the booths on the same day? Or that all the animal rights activists would misread the word "No" on the "Slaughter of Baby Seals Act". And then there are those of us who were pressured to vote a straight Libertarian ticket by the heavy-breathing octogenarian at the polling station behind us. At any rate, The Every Three Weekly proudly reproduces here all the ways America has once again democratically shot itself in the foot, and we hope that the next time you see an alligator crossing the street, you pause and salute it. Because that's the law.

Florida suggested a proposal to reinstitute hanging as a method of execution, in order to finally rid the state of serial killer Chad Donnelly. The proposal was unable to pass, however, due to the high percentage of ballots with hanging chads that were discarded during the vote.
New Jersey passed Proposition 3, requesting that New York come back to its place for a nightcap.
Proposal 3 in Florida, which would have made butterflies the state insect, was struck down by voters using a butterfly ballot system. Al Gore is demanding a recount.
West Virginia officially changed its name to "South Ohio".
Due to the decrease in the Native American population in Utah, voters passed the "Native American Buddy System Initiative," requiring that all trips to the peyote barn be made with a buddy present.
Nevada passed Proposal 5, which mandates that alcohol be served all night at gentleman's clubs. The proposal was entitled, The "As long as the titties keep-a-bouncin', the beer keeps-a-flowin'" Initiative.
Jesus was elected Assistant Chief Justice of the Supreme Court in Virginia. Voters cited that his ideas were "just not religiously inclined enough" for a Virginian Chief Justice.
Wyoming adopted a new state motto: "Wy? Oming, that's why!"
New Mexico residents voted to pass Proposal 16, officially changing the name of their state to "New America", in an effort to convince outsiders that their state isn't full of dirty, bean-guzzling, fence-hopping, job-snatching Mexicans.
Maryland voters passed Proposal 8, in which the residents of Maryland will gather along the state's border and push neighboring state Delaware out to sea, ridding themselves of a whining, ineffectual neighbor forever.
Prayer in public schools will no longer be an issue in Alabama after the passage of a referrendum that eliminates the public school system.
North Dakota passed a bill to acknowledge that there are still people living in North Dakota.
Alaska and Hawaii opened a trading route that will finally allow Hawaiians and Alaskans to exchange Hula Skirts and Woolly Coats, both of which are signatures of the states' respective uselessness.
Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, and Texas all passed the Five-Thirds Proposal, which makes every citizen of each respective state better than every other states’ citizens by almost twice as much. As long as their grandfather was white, that is.
An anti-abortion proposal in Nebraska accidentally granted U.S. citizenship to all single-celled organisms. Doctors are now unable to prescribe antibiotics.
A poorly-spelled Proposal 4 in Kansas creates a state-sponsored shelter for cape victims.
California to be renamed far-simpler "Chair," in light of Schwarzenegger's numerous vocal handicaps.