Congress to Eliminate Tough Stains with DD7
WASHINGTON DC�After more than a year in the works, Congress has finally passed a bill that calls for the elimination of tough stains with the powerful cleaning product DD7. Loud cheers erupted from the Senate floor when President Clinton signed the bill yesterday afternoon."With the passage of this bill, the American people can finally get their whites whiter and their brights brighter," remarked a beaming Clinton. Many other congressmen joined in the president's enthusiasm. "I've backed this bill from the beginning," declared Senator Robert Torrecelli of New Jersey, "Now we can remove rust, blood, and even iodine from the social fabric of our nation."
However, some members of congress were not as pleased. The writers of the original bill found the final product to be watered-down. "This bill is a disappointment," said Michigan Senator Spence Abraham, "If we had passed it in the first 30 minutes, we could have received two additional tubes of DD7 absolutely free! That's a $60 value!"
Nebraska Senator Bob Kerrey claimed the money could have been used in a more productive fashion. "I kept telling everybody that we could erase the deficit and get rid of taxes if only we called Kenny Kingston's psychic hotline for stock tips," said Kerrey. "I guess everyone was afraid that the fat black woman would tell everyone they were having affairs."