Congress Votes to Protect American Flag, American Beauty
WASHINGTON, DC-The House of Representatives, voting mainly along party lines, passed a pair of constitutional amendments today that are designed to protect hallowed institutions of the country. The first would make it illegal to desecrate the American flag, while the second would make it punishable by law to desecrate the Oscar-winning film American Beauty.
The proposed 27th Amendment, dubbed the "Flag Preservation Amendment," has wide support among veteran's groups and Republicans, and is expected to pass easily in the Senate, whereupon it will be sent to the states. Likewise, the 28th amendment has found large amounts of grassroots support.
"The flag is the emblem of the United States. To allow it to be burned, trampled, or spit upon sends a message to other governments that we are a weak, prideless nation," said amendments supporter Rep. Dan Burton (R-IN). "And American Beauty is just awesome. How can you not like it?"
The American Legion is praising the passage of the amendments as well. "Veterans fought long and hard for what this flag stands for. That includes freedom, honor, democracy, and great films like Sam Mendes's American Beauty," said American Legion spokeswoman Deborah Canter. "Kevin Spacey is spectacular, as usual. And up-and-coming stars Mena Suvari, Thora Birch, and Wes Bentley add sex appeal to this brilliant critique of suburban American life. To think some Americans would defend the 'right' of so-called 'citizens' to engage in public mockery or derision of the film. Shame on them! Let them not forget the memories of those soldiers who died to ensure that American Beauty was made."
However, some are hesitant to support what they see as an attack on fundamental principles of freedom of expression.
"This Amendment will not honor the flag. Rather, it will desecrate something much more important: the values which it represents," said Sen. Russ Feingold (D-WI), an opponent of the proposed amendments. "And the film oughtn't be blindly worshipped, either. The plot has some serious weaknesses. An older man falling for an underage girl? Haven't seen that before. Ever heard of Nabokov?"
Aside from a limited Democrat opposition, the "American Beauty Preservation Amendment" is expected to pass easily in the Senate. DreamWorks, Ltd., the studio behind the film, has spent an undisclosed amount of money lobbying for the passage of the amendment. Sources suggest that the amount of "soft money" spent may be in the tens of millions of dollars.
In a related story, Congress rejected the "'American Pie' Preservation Amendment" by a vote of 48-50. Spokespeople for Madonna, who would have been subject to prosecution under federal treason laws had the measure passed, were unavailable for comment.