Robert Downey Jr. Awarded Darryl Strawberry Sobriety Award

HOLLYWOOD, CA-Drug-addict and occasional Hollywood actor, Robert Downey Jr. was awarded the third annual Darryl Strawberry award for sobriety and social awareness at a small ceremony outside of Mann's Chinese Theatre. Downey, who was not released from the Santa Monica county jail to accept the award, announced through his agent/parole officer that, "I'd been jonesing for an award fix for some time. With the help of this honor and a large bottle of glue, perhaps I can sake images of the dancing baby that seems to appear whenever it's unexpected or amusing to an audience consisting mostly of 20-30 year olds."
[Robery Downey Jr.]
Robery Downey Jr.

Many friends, family, and DEA agents were present at the ceremony. "It's great to see him win another award," commented television writer/producer David E. Kelly, writer of the show Ally McBeal. "He's truly a wonderful gift. A gift that requires a steady supply of uppers, downers, and little yellow pills to help him get through the day. If I get bored the next time I go to a restaurant perhaps I'll write a TV series about him on a napkin, sell that idea to FOX, make millions of dollars then go home and make love to Michelle Pfiefer-or as I like to call it, Thursday."

Downey's mother also expressed happy sentiment. "I'm delighted Robert's been given another award when for all intents and purposes, he should have died months ago in either a car accident or an overdose of one of the thousands of prescription and non-prescription narcotics he is drawn too," She said. "His achievement, even in the midst of these obstacles, makes my job as a parent seem easy."

Despite these glowing statements, however, a few in the audience were left bitter. "How fair is this?" asked character actor Fyvush Finkel. "I work my butt off for 50 years in Hollywood and I have bubkus! Where's he going to put this award! His mantle already has a Golden Globe, a SAG, an Oscar, and some type of gravity bong!"

The award, created in honor of baseball player and pharmacological wasteland Darryl Strawberry, is given to the person who each year who best demonstrates it doesn?t matter how screwed up you are as long as you're pretty, charming, or good at sports. Past recipients include prostitute-friendly and no stranger to drugs Charlie Sheen, Super Bowl Murder/MVP Ray Lewis, and the irreverent Andy Dick.