Gwyneth Paltrow's Placenta Sold to Highest Bidder on eBay

Paltrow's Afterbirth Expected to Sell Faster than Halle Berry's Artistic Integrity

Last Monday's high bidder EYEZ4U was lucky enough to snag the most unique item ever up for auction on eBay: Mrs. Gwyneth Paltrow Martin's famed afterbirth. "All the proceeds will go towards a really wonderful charity, because my publicist told me that giving money to children uglier than my own would make the public love me even more than they already do," Paltrow Martin said.

A poll of the public revealed that thirty-six percent did indeed love Paltrow Martin more, fifteen percent didn't know what a placenta was, thirty-three percent exist solely to participate in useless polls, and seventy-eight percent hated her for naming her child after such a common member of the fruit family.

"Why not Watermelon Paltrow Martin or Fried Green Tomato Paltrow Martin?" asked one member of the public. "There were so many options out there but she had to pick the dumbest one, and therefore I hate her. Yes sir, I sure do."

Paltrow Martin isn't the first celebrity to pawn personal items or biohazardous medical waste on eBay. MC Hammer sold a pair of his infamous "parachute pantaloons" on eBay last month for fifty dollars. When asked to which charity he would be donating the money, he punched the reporter in the face and declared it to be "Hammer Time." Last month the internet company was surrounded by controversy when an online customer who won a set of Cher's old cheek implants received a severed ring finger instead.

"I really didn't mind it [the severed ring finger]. I was just in one of my arguing moods and decided to speak out about it," said the customer and cofounder of the "I Better Get the Senseless Crap I Wasted Money On" eBay support group which currently has two to three and a half members. Said one member of the group, "Don't you want to poll me now?"