Fall Fashion Preview: Cool Diseases!
Health Watch is a nationally syndicated column featuring freelance writers outside the traditional realm of so-called medical expertise. This month's Health Watch comes to us from Roxy Olevsky, fashion editor for GlamGirl Magazine.Want to be a superstar this season? Sure you've already spent thousands of dollars on the clothes and accessories to make you special on the outside. But as the proverb says, "it's what's beneath the surface." That's why this fall's not about shoes, handbags and lip-gloss, but about inner beauty. So bring fourth the microbes, phobias, germs, and ailments! In fact, nothing grabs the spotlight like a creative case of happening hypochondria. So, for all you Sick Kids and Sick Kid Wannabes, here's the latest word on what's glam and what's just plain gross in the world of modern diseases this fall.
Back to school means back to cool. As always, asthma is all the rage with the younger grade school set looking to get out of gym class and sell their inhalers on the playground black market. Meningitis is always pretty big in the college dorms, but it's definitely no way to make new friends. My advice? Skip it! Instead, why not try the much more enjoyable (and relaxing!) infectious mononucleosis? They definitely don't call mono the kissing disease for nothing, and just think of all the terrific R & R that goes with it. That's right- Ruptured spleens and Rashes! And for those into the retro look, the common cold is once an in vogue. Back to cool indeed!
Hey! Like seafood? I do! Especially crabs! Nothing says, "I love you" like genital herpes, and they'll be making the rounds this season in all the hippest crowds. If crustaceans don't turn you on, just clap twice- everyone's going gaga for gonorrhea! But remember- save those genital warts for Halloween for the sporty witch look. For the males, try tuberculosis Dracula. You'll be a-coffin to the fashion bank!
If you're jonesing for that unique look, or just too cheap to buy a Halloween costume this year, several more distinctive diseases are the epitome of cool. How about gigantism? Sure, you may not be tall, dark, and handsome, but one out of three ain't bad. Or perhaps jaundice? Overdose on carrots or kill your liver, and you'll be the yellow-skinned envy of all your friends. Also making a triumphant return this year are goiters, a must-have neck-accessory for any superhot outfit.
For all those artsy starving artsy sorts, leprosy is always the disease of choice. Nothing says "Living on the edge" like the occasional scab mixed with open wounds. Those going for a more romantic look might be drawn to the dramatic-sounding Scarlet fever, but frankly my dears unless you have the cheek bones to pull it off, we don't give a damn. Instead, try going old school- with chicken pox. Sure, the itchy spots and oatmeal baths sucked in kindergarten, but now everything old is new again, and ten times as kitsch!
This year, make viral faux pas things of the past. With our fall disease guide, you'll be well on your way to making a splash in the medically afflicted haute culture scene.