Lost Cambodian Tourist Found Leading Econ Discussion
Despite Not Speaking English, Earns Average Evaluation as a GSI
A confused and frustrated Ka-pan began running a discussion section after being separated from his campus tour group while taking pictures of the
Dollar Dog stand. University President Mary Sue Coleman apologized for the mix-up, saying, "I am deeply troubled by this accident. It reflects poorly on the prestigious conduct of our fine university, which has a long tradition of making damn sure we publicly take credit for every weird ethnicity that sets foot on campus. Someone put another tick in the 'Lost Cambodian' column. And check the pool, I think I had a twenty on this one."
According to the students, Ka-Pan had been inadvertently leading the discussion since the beginning of the term. "The first day he kept pointing to the words 'Kampong Saom, Cambodia' on the chalkboard," said LS&A freshman Jessica Frazier. "So we just kept calling him Kampong and he kept nodding. He was okay compared to my past GSI's, whom I swear were looking for Ellis Island. His indiscernible screaming and crying after the fourth week was annoying, and totally got in the way of my eBay shopping and IMing."
Ka-Pan kept returning to the weekly class because the students were the only people he thought could help him, since they nodded after whatever he said--common practice for LS&A freshman with foreign GSIs. Students soon stopped real interaction with Ka-Pan, as he grew more and more hysterical with each passing week.
"I just thought he couldn't get the shit out of his mouth. I mean, I've had worse GSI accents before," said Marc Branson. "When I asked questions, he always said something like 'Padeese kwals majeen-kaas, neega pee, rey yoo-boo. Oranja feeshaat.' I was sure he was screaming, 'Price equals marginal cost. Nigga please, read your book. Orange fish hat.' I found out later he was actually saying he was lost and missing the birth of his first child."
Some students grew weary of Ka-Pan after attending his office hours, held nightly in a dumpster outside of the Business School from 1AM to 7AM. "One night I went and he was naked and washing his clothes in his own urine," said LS&A freshman Jen Hess. "Then he started yelling about the orange fish hats again and took my Jimmy John's. I would have reported him to the cops, but I'm counting on that recommendation he's writing me."
Alarmingly, the students still gave Ka-Pan average scores on their GSI evaluations. "In my other classes the GSI's seemed to be from another planet, not just from some third-world country where you can get 9-year-old hookers for balls cheap," recalls Andre Williams, an LS&A junior. "I mean, he did accidentally teach me the marginal cost concept, which is a shit-load more than what that dirty F.O.B. Xol Xg did for me in my Calc class."
Ka-Pan has since been put on a cargo ship to his native life in Cambodia, where he manages a restaurant and adolescent prostitute disposal service.