Study Reveals Rove Ignored Dangers of Extensive Exposure to President Bush

FDA Finds President�s Assistant Liable for Deaths Resulting from Complications; National Shame

A study released by the FDA Tuesday shows conclusively that Karl Rove, CEO of the United States of America and sole distributor of President George W. Bush, was aware well over ten years ago that Bush was not �suited for public consumption.�

According to the report, Rove continued to promote and distribute Bush even as the evidence of Bush�s ability to kill grew to undeniable levels. Among the ignored evidence was a small, controlled study conducted from 1995 to 2000 in Texas that revealed Bush produced a significant amount of fatalities in a sample population.

Bush�s national�and shortly thereafter, international�release in the winter of 2001 marked the inception of a troubling period in the history of the nation. Nine months later, the first problematic aspects of that inception were borne, as certain ethnic populations were found to suffer severe side effects after coming into contact with a heavy dose of Bush�s religious fundamentalism.

In response, Rove, along with other concerned members of his administration, led a humanitarian effort to search out the affected persons and permanently end their exposure to Bush. Although mostly unsuccessful, Bush executives still declared the effort a �Mission Accomplished,� baffling Wall Street analysts yet increasing domestic support for Bush and those who declared themselves to be affiliated with Bush and other similar products, such as Cheney, Ashcroft, or Rumsfeld. Their success was evidenced in the 2002 elections, when Bush users filled most of the nation�s most important positions.

Domestically, Bush brought with it additional side effects that affected the entire sample, instead of a select group. Among these was the Patriot Act of late 2001, which essentially allowed Bush to penetrate a larger group more easily. Many people previously unaffected by the product then began to feel the effects of Bush.

In addition, Rove was responsible for the marketing campaign aimed at increasing young children�s exposure to the effects of Bush, known as the �No Child Left Behind� campaign. This campaign angered many media and political watchdogs, of course, but was nonetheless completed.

Although controversial data condemning Bush�s place in society grew during the years of 2001-2004, many members of the general populace seemed to ignore the seemingly damning facts. Bush apparently is also addictive when combined with a penchant for �meaningless, religiously-fueled rhetoric,� says the study. Despite its dangerous side effects, Bush has not yet been recalled. In fact, it has been approved for an additional four years on the market. The FDA and other governmental agencies are expected to review the product�s performance in the ensuing years.