Mad Libs
Commencement Speech :Winter graduation is upon us, and for any commencement speakers out there fretting over last-minute speech preparation, the E3W is pleased to provide this handy guide. Just fill in the blanks!
The Oxford English Dictionary defines (noun) as a(n) �(adjective), (adjective) (noun),� and I, for one, think that definition sums it up pretty well. While that nearly completely encapsulates our class, I also am reminded of (government-sponsored program), which truly affected us all, not just the (racial term).
Yes, our class has had our rough times, like (major historical event). But who could forget the time you (embarrassing activity)? Not me, for sure, especially since you did it in my (room of house or bodily orifice).
But now it is time for us to go off into the (reality television show). There we will encounter (adjective) bosses, (adjective) (plural nouns), but hopefully not (Shakespeare character)�(s)he (verb), and I hate that.
But I do not hate all of you, like the (persecuted group) hated (major religious figure). In fact, I (verb) all of you, just like I (same verb) my (family member or nickname for genitals). There, now I�ve said it. I�m afraid I must go now. (Way to say goodbye).
Coming-Out Speech:
The holidays can be a time to gather the whole family around, open presents, and reveal your personal sexual preferences to everyone. Here�s a template to get you through this potentially difficult experience.
(Family member or nickname for genitals), I�m glad you could be here. (Other family member), not so much, that�s why I didn�t mention you before. But the fact remains that you are here, so let�s do the damn thing.
Guys, I have something I�ve got to tell you. I like (gender), and not like (famous celebrity) likes little (same gender), but more like Uncle George likes (same gender). I�ve been this way ever since I saw (corrupting media); I never even thought about my sexual orientation before that. But ever since that day, I�ve known that I like (same gender as before).
In fact, I�ve met someone. His/her name is (name), and we are thinking of getting married. Of course, we can�t in (current state), so we�re thinking of moving to (different state). Then we will brutally steal the word �marriage� from all heterosexuals, just as white people are trying to steal (racially-charged slur) from (racial/ethnic group).
Now let�s open presents.