Letters to the Editor
All of the following letters are real. If you see your letter printed here and would like a bumper sticker, please stop by the UAC office and pick one up. Have something you want to say or ask? Email us at threeweeks.letters@umich.edu.From:
Subject:ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????
Yo jeeves,
i�ve been reading your paper for some years now, and never before have i found anything i would consider -laugh at the author because he is a fucking dumbass- stupid, until this past night while reading POINT- Less Convincing Reemphasis of Point. The whole idea behind the electoral college is to empower smart voters,hopefully like yourselves (university students at a GOOD university). Without the electoral college middle america would own the entire fucking country. on aside note, The govenator in Cali is a republican. As editor, i pin this mistake on you. you should have bitch-slapped your writer and been like, �bitch, this ain�t funny! This is stupid!� Slap! �now bring me something funny!� Slap! �Bitch!� Your fan base is huge, i know people out here in Cali who read your paper every three weeks online. Just make sure you guys keep the standards high, and never print shit like that again.... it was normal, and sounded like a real opinion..... and what scares me is that it is a stupid opinion.
Good Luck, Regards,
-g
So, let me get this straight. What scares you is that the opinion we presented framed by two women in their underwear as the counterpoint to the savvy political punditry of Ja Rule was not thoroughly researched? My sincerest apologies to your friends, yourself, and the railroad tack in your frontal lobe.
From:
Subject:Vince Young
You guys should include a picture of Vince Young clutching his crotch (after a play in which a Michigan player smacked him there), with as a caption a quote from one of ABC�s announcers misspeaking (later in the game and unrelated): �You�ve also got to hold your breath whenever this guy, Vince Young, has his ball... the ball, in his hands.� (The quote was something along those lines, and probably not exactly that whole thing.)
You shouldn�t waste such gold-standard humor on our worthless paper. That kind of comedy is destined for greatness. Or at least one of those worthless blooper shows with Dick Clark.
From: Janee Lynch
Subject:september 17, �04 article
To Whom It May Concern:
I was recently doing research on a student who attends your school, Michael Phelps, for a sports journalism piece, when I came across an article that was posted from your site. As I scrolled through, I was very appalled at the comments that I was reading from what seems like one angry, jealous student. What upset me even more, is that such an article would be found acceptable to print. I do believe in free speech, but at the same time, this article is doing nothing but slander a persons name who has the talent and ability to represent our country in an international games.
This article talked on and on about how they were so much better than Michael Phelps himself, but not once stated why he was so much better, and what made him so much better than Michael. The only thing that strikes me at the writer�s being better, is the fact that he had downed 8 Heinie�s, but where�s the proof, I didn�t see this televised...wait, Michael is better than the writer in that field, didn�t he get caught recently for driving under the influence, you know that wasn�t off of the Heinie, Heinie is the pussy way out!!!! Although maybe a person with strong insight, not strong enough to keep down the weakest of alcohol, maybe they shouldn�t have told the reader that they vomited, they would have been better off drinking water!
Ok, I�m going to stop this right here, even though she goes on for about another 500 words about how implausible our fake editorial writer is. I would like to point out, however, that she is arguing for the greatness of her beloved Michael Phelps by asserting that at least he is man enough to keep down the huge amounts of alcohol he drinks before driving. Way to go, Janee. You�re sure going to deserve that communications major you get at Cal State.