Dozens Feared Stoned In West Quad Chilling Spree
The spree started around 4:00 PM. Video surveillance cameras show the Martinez and Green entering West Quad at 3:57 PM, carrying duffel bags filled with bongs, pipes, extra marijuana and various paraphernalia which the two freshmen planned to use in their spree.
Martinez and Green started their massacre in the room of a friend, LSA sophomore Tom Marks. Green attempted to light one of the pipes he had in his duffel bag. The pipe failed to ignite, however, and Marks then took several hits from Martinez's bong. After Martinez and Green were sure that Marks had been chilled, they left the room and moved down the hall.
Upon leaving the room the pair encountered their RA, Mike Chamberlain, who asked them what they were doing, oblivious to the chilling spree that was underway.
"Oh, just chilling," Martinez replied. Green and Martinez looked at each other and shared a laugh as Chamberlain told them to continue what they were doing, still oblivious.
Martinez and Green continued down the hall, moving from room to room ensuring that everyone they came into contact with either was stoned or at least slightly buzzed. Witnesses say that the pair had to stop several times along the way to reload their bongs and pipes.
LSA sophomore Rob Hunt was one of the few students who witnessed the carnage but was unaffected. He was able to avoid taking a hit by hiding in the bathroom when Green and Martinez entered his room. "I saw them coming so I hid in a toilet stall and put my feet up so they couldn't see me. Then they asked Wade [Erikson, LSA freshman], 'Do you believe in God, man?' before smoking him out."
What followed, according to Hunt, was an incoherent and nonsensical conversation about the existence of God in which the three students speculated that God might be either dead or like a friendly hobo that followed you wherever you go. The three further speculated about how sweet it would be to get ‘totally stoned' with God, whichever form he took.
When the spree was finally over, eleven students, including Green and Martinez, lay completely stoned, while just over twelve were slightly buzzed. Authorities estimate that four students also suffered from contact highs during the incident.
The chilling spree sparked outrage among parents of the stoned and observers alike, leading many to speculate why the two teens felt impelled to go on their rampage.
"It's movies that glorify marijuana use that made them do it, movies like Dazed and Confused and Half Baked" said Shirley Edelstein, whose son Jacob took eight hits from a double chambered bong during the spree. "If Carl and Alex hadn't watched so many movies that glorified marijuana use my son would be with me today."
Edelstein's son could not be with her as he was playing hackey sack with his friend Dweebs and his pet ferret.
Other parents have claimed that Martinez and Green had been listening to music that inspired them to go on the chilling spree. Critics point to the music of bands like Phish and Jimi Hendrix as having influenced Martinez and Green. Others, however, doubt whether the pair in particular, or anyone on Earth in general, ever listened to Phish and suspect that it serves as an easy scapegoat for a horrible and inexplicable act.
Authorities are hoping that other students will not emulate the behavior of Martinez and Green, and encourage people to report friends who show some of the same warning signs that the two freshmen exhibited prior to the spree.
"Never hesitate to report even your closest friends, it's for their safety as much as yours" said police expert Clayton Surrey. "Any warning signs at all, such as dreadlocks, Bob Marley posters, or a subscription to High Times can indicate a student might be considering going on a spree like the one witnessed earlier this week in West Quad."
Martinez and Green's chilling spree was the worst substance abuse massacre since a 2003 booze cruise in which four students were smashed and the carpet of a 1994 Ford Taurus was forever stained with vomit.