New Version of Mapquest Features Simpler Interface, Random Obscenity

WORLD NEWS--The latest version of Mapquest, a popular navigation website, was unveiled on Monday amid much anticipation. In addition to a completely revamped and streamlined user interface that Mapquest officials say will make getting directions easier than ever before, the revamped site also features random and unexpected obscenity in the directions it produces.

Matt Sauer, an LS&A sophomore at U-M, experienced the new features when he used the site to print directions to Chicago. "Everything looked fine until I got down to the third line," said Sauer. "It read, 'Merge onto I-94 W toward JACKSON, you fucking pussy.' I just don't see why that's necessary. I mean, of course I have to merge onto the highway. Duh."

Mapquest spokesman John Watson spoke excitedly about the new features. "We were looking to spice things up," said Watson. "Getting accurate directions is so mundane, so boring. After many meetings, we came to the conclusion that the best way of infusing a bit of life into Mapquest would be to provide it a database of horribly offensive phrases to randomly cull from."

Added Watson, "Who wants to 'Merge with I-71' when they can 'Merge like the bitch you are with I-71'?"

Not every result, however, contains one of the new, obscene phrases, leading Michigan students to compete for who can receive the most insulting directions. "Look, look!" said Bill Jones, an LS&A junior, yesterday at the fishbowl. "Mine said, 'Take a Left at your mom's pussy.' Sweet!"

Some students have even commented that the obscene comments make them feel a little less lonely while they're away at school. "I logged on and asked for directions from my house in Bloomfield Hills to Ann Arbor," said Engineering freshman Adam Figgins. "When it said, 'Merge onto I-696 W toward NOVI, you ungrateful fuck,' I nearly cried. I love you, Mom."