BUTTE, Mont. – Shedding light on the state of habitual shame that defines his very existence, Tyler Wendall found it necessary to issue an apology to junior Mark Dagley after having several of his metatarsal bones crushed under Dagley’s size-12 sneakers. Despite the fact that he was standing entirely stationary and at a safe difference from the general flow of traffic at the time of the collision, Wendall felt embarrassed to have even been involved in the incident, likely due to his clear preference for external approval over personal dignity. Further resigning himself to the trend of self-loathing that had already been established for the day, Wendall later phoned his ex-girlfriend to apologize for being so insufferably reliable that she felt the need to add some excitement to her life by hooking up with a cashier at the convenience store down the street.