Enthralling a nation desperate to be entertained, reports have confirmed that an animal has done something cool in front of a camera. The adorable, furry animal was spotted at approximately 9 a.m. last Tuesday, doing something atypical enough to garner the attention of a nearby human. Using a camera phone,
According to sources within the dog community, Scrappy, the canine companion to local homeless man Ralph Johnson, has begun to wonder when, if ever, this walk is going to end. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my owner,” barked Scrappy of his human companion Ralph, “But this walk is going
In light of the recent disappearance of Malaysia Airlines flight 370, FAA officials are reviewing the rules and regulations surrounding the freedom of airline pilots to alter communications equipment, change altitude, and crash planes full of passengers directly into the ocean. “While the investigation is still underway, it is never
A new comprehensive study out this week finds that the 2014 Kindergarten graduates will likely struggle to find a job on any first grade classroom job chart. “I’ve always dreamed of getting to take care of the classroom pet when I became a first grader,” said Hannah K. from Mrs.
According to sources, computer science senior Mark Mahan has accidentally created an artificial intelligence program with greater social skills than his own, as part of an assignment in his EECS 492 class. “Our assignment was just to write a program that chatted back and forth with a human, so I
In a landmark case cheered by progressives and fans of judicial activism alike, a Michigan appeals court has ruled to legalize gay marijuana, making Michigan the first state in the Union to allow the use of homosexual cannabis. “The court has determined that there is no ethical or legal basis to deny gay marijuana smokers the
ALL-AMERICAN HOMETOWN—After scoring the winning touchdown last Friday night, local football star Jason Turner ran up the bleachers and removed his biology tutor Alice Williams’ thick-framed glasses only to discover his potential love interest was still ugly without them. The discovery came as a shock. “Every popular depiction of
Sources report that since the debut of the critically acclaimed series Cosmos and a string of high profile late night TV appearances, celebrity astronomer Neil DeGrasse Tyson is “plowing trim like nobody’s business these days.” Dr. DeGrasse Tyson, who holds degrees from Harvard and Columbia, has enjoyed minor stardom within the world of astrophysics since the 1990s. But
Following the massively popular trend of remaking classic TV series and movies, CNN has announced plans to reboot the early 2000s ratings smash War On Terror. “Rebooting the popular shows of yesterday is big business right now,” CNN senior producer Susan Deforest said during the announcement’s press conference. “Look at 24, look at Heroes. This is what people want
Alfalfa County, Oklahoma Residents Protesting New Stoplight Law, But You Won’t Hear About That on the News, Will You?
According to sources in Alfalfa County, Oklahoma, local residents have begun to protest the new local stoplight law, but with the liberal media yapping on about Venezuela and Ukraine it’s not like you’re ever going to hear about it anyhow. While good citizens like Ralph DelSignore and Margaret Tillman are simply fed up with the $15 increase in fines