Category: Opinion

To that Young Man Who Was Reading ‘The Every Three Weekly’ in West Quad that One Time

peter dejonge

By: Peter DeJonge Hey, bud. I’m not sure who you are, where you’re from, or what you do, but I want you to know one thing; I saw you that one time you were reading The Every Three Weekly in the West Quad Cafeteria a couple months ago. And you

So, You Thought You Were Out of My Grip, Eh?

winter

By: Winter Oh… hello there. I couldn’t see you come in through all this snow. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me after April started. I had you all convinced with the warm weather, but it was nothing more than a clever ruse. That’s right baby, I’m

Does the Word ‘Twerk’ Even Mean Anything Anymore?

Abby Helmson

By: Abby Helmson, LSA Junior Don’t get me wrong, I love it when we add new words to the common vernacular. I’m thrilled to hear “hella” and “swag” take their rightful place in everyday conversation. I welcome the use of hashtags for emphasis, even in professional settings. But lately, I’ve

Hey, Remember Me? By: The Chore Wheel You and Your Roommates Made During the First Week of School

  Hey, guys. It’s been a while, to say the least. And I must admit, I’m a little bit hurt at your wanton neglect. I was so lovingly crafted when you first moved in. You decorated me with glitter, laminated me, hell—you even gave me a functional spinner. I was supposed to usher in a new

Do You Hear That Rattling? By: Dad, on the Annual Family Road Trip

Hmm, that’s odd. Hey, does anyone else hear that rattling sound? Tommy, is that you horsing around back there? Knock it off, it’s dangerous to distract the driver. Wait, it’s not you? Huh. Strange. Do you think it could be your sister’s computer knocking up against something? It’s gotta be an easy fix, I mean it just started.

Gimme Dat Youth Vote! By: Rick Snyder, 48th Governor of Michigan

What’s cracking, you crazy kidz? I know what you’re thinking, who’s this old governor guy, and what’s he doing writing editorials in the newspaper? Heck, what’s a newspaper?! Amiright?! Srsly tho, I’ve got #election2014 coming up this year, and I wanted to be sure that all you ladies and germs in college know that you can come

Ask a Musher Fighting for First in The Iditarod

Dear Musher Fighting for First in The Iditarod, I’ve started to suspect that my best friend since 3rd grade has developed an eating disorder, and this wouldn’t be the first time. Four years ago I confronted her about her bulimia, and although she admitted it, she didn’t talk to me

Everyone Knows Crimea Just Likes the Attention: By Georgia

Remember when Russia used military force to seize me in 2008? I sure do. You just sat back and let it happen. It’s just a part of growing up, you said. Leave us alone, the international community is busy, go play with Armenia or Turkey. That’s what you told me, and I sucked it

Let Steve Burke Woo You, Honey: By Steve Burke

Hey, baby. I know it’s only been a couple of days since we first met—since that fateful evening when you walked into the Club Sports Council meeting, representing the Women’s Synchronized Swimming team. You were so full of wonder, so full of life; with an ample bosom and an inquisitive mind. Now, baby, I finally have you

Ask a Couple Showering Together With Soap in Their Eyes

Dear Couple Showering Together With Soap in Their Eyes, I am a junior this year and I have to decide if I am going to apply for grad school. I always planned on getting my Master’s degree, but as the application deadline grows closer and closer, I am worried about