WNBA Scouts Impressed With Courtney Sims' Grasp of Fundamentals, Inability To Dunk

Michigan's basketball team has had its share of downs and downs over the past four years, but one player who may come out on top when he graduates is senior Courtney Sims, who has been drawing lots of attention from the pro scouts.

"I've waited until the end of the year because I didn't want to rub it in anyone's faces or appear like I was sandbagging, but I've been in talks with a couple of the, um, expansion teams," Sims said in a press conference after Michigan's loss to Ohio State. 72-62, on March 9th.

While Sims, the seven foot center with a heart of gold and hands of stone, will see his NCAA eligibility run out at the end of the year, he says he's found a lot of favor shooting up the draft boards of many WNBA franchises, including the Indiana Fever and the Detroit Shock.

"I'm excited that Detroit is adding another team to its roster," Sims added, pausing for a moment to remove the thumb from his ass.

"If I had to tell you what I liked most about Courtney, it'd be difficult," said the Shock's Director of Scouting, Adam Wallace. "To me, he really seems like the prototypical center in this league -- between his penchant for passing the ball out from the post and avoiding the shot, or his inability to dunk that probably cost Michigan that regular season game against the Buckeyes."

"Hey, a missed dunk in this league? We're used to it," Wallace added.

When asked about how he might stand out so much against other members of the WNBA, Sims seemed slightly befuddled, saying, "I don't think this league will mind if I'm black, will they?"

"Oh my God, 'W' doesn't stand for 'White,' does it?" Sims added in horror.

Sims then threw a basketball into Michigan's pep band, severely injuring head tuba player David Alexakis. Added Sims, "Sorry, I've been trying to work on my bounce passing."

Sims' teammate, Senior Forward Brent Petway, says he's been working on his bounce passing too, in case anyone from the WNBA needs a good bounce passer.

"I work on my bounce passing all the time in practice. I think I had many a good bounce pass this year," Petway said.

Tommy Amaker, widely recognized as Michigan's best men's basketball head coach since Brian Ellerbe, noted that Sims has struggled a bit during his time with the Wolverines, but that the WNBA will suit Sims' style fairly well.

"Courtney's problem here was with blocks -- he wasn't really able to hold onto the ball down low--well, not too much up high either, or even in that middling ground-- anyhow, not as much as we would have liked, and when he did, someone would impolitely swat it back in his face."

"Look I'm trying to run a clean, uncompetitive program here, and I'm pretty sure other coaches in the Big 10 are telling their players to go out and show us up!" Amaker said. "That's against the dispiritedness of the game."

In a follow-up question, Amaker also was asked whether he thought Sims might stand out in the WNBA.

"To Courtney's credit, the WNBA is full of what, based on their testosterone levels, might as well be seven foot tall, hawkish black men around the age of 26. He'll probably be fine."

Amaker then immediately ran back onto the court and yelled at Dion Harris to "shoot the ball whenever you fucking feel like it."

In a related story, if we had to tell you what we liked about Courtney Sims, it would be impossible.

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