The E3W Point/Counterpoint: April 2007
By: Canadian-Eskimo Exchange Student Ming-tak Chillichoad
That's right ya hoser -- fifty big ones says I can take out that whole pond of ducks outside the School of Music before you can even fashion a suitable hunting spear out of those red maples.
What's that? You don't know how to make your own spear? Oh, big surprise there. Well fine, we'll use our bare hands then. Just like how my grandpa used to kill the polar bears. Grrrrrrrr.
Hey -- where are you going? C'mon, I was totally joking about my grandfather. It was just the one bear. Seriously, my igloo melted last week and I need the money. I'm sleepin in the Duderstadt for God's sake. Don't be such a wussy, it'll be fun -- you just grab 'em by the face and bite their jugular. Swift, painless, and nutritious.
Fine, walk away. Figures, you lazy biomedical engineering fucks. Won't even kill a pond's worth of ducks. It's barely a flock, you cowards. Christ.
What's that you say? They're not ducks? Of course they're ducks -- I think I'd know. How many moon cycles have you spent in the Yukon, buck naked, battling pod after pod of walri in the chilly arctic waters for the right to mate with the females?
What? No I don't know what that has to do with ducks. I'm just trying to make conversation here. What's that? It's "walruses," not "walri." Right, just like these duck-like, soon-to-be exsanguinated birds here aren't ducks.
Geese, you say? They're Canadian geese? Interesting. Ironic, too. You see, I'm from Canada myself. No kidding, really. Say, I don't suppose you'd bet me a hundred bucks that I could kill the geese in this pond here before you could?
Huh? Whatta you mean it doesn't make sense? If I kill all the ducks, I mean geese, then there'd be none left for you to kill...
Oh. Well I'll be damned.
Well, fuck it. Wanna help me kill these geese?
Counterpoint: Smoking Marijuana May Induce Schizophrenic Hallucinations When Ingested With Phencyclidine
For a complete list of authors cited, please see www.everythreeweekly.com/footnotes
Marijuana intoxication impairs reaction time, motor coordination and visual perception. Marijuana can produce panic reactions, "flashbacks" and other emotional disturbances for which children and adolescents appear to be at highest risk. Distortion of time and distance and visual and auditory hallucinations have been reported. When smoked, marijuana's effects are stronger than when ingested through food or drink, depositing as much as three times the amount of THC in the bloodstream.
The major biologically active chemical compound in cannabis is delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol, commonly referred to as THC. It has psychoactive, physiological effects when consumed, usually by smoking, sniffing or ingestion. The minimum amount of THC required to have a perceptible psychoactive effect is about 5 mg.
Since its origin in the 1950s, the "gateway drug" theory has been one of the central pillars of marijuana drug policy in the United States. Those who subscribe to this theory, which has since spread throughout the world, argue that cannabis use may lead one down the path of drug addiction, and should therefore be treated as a serious matter. Some researchers conclude that this model of behavior has little basis in fact, whereas others have found truth in these claims.
When combined with other narcotics such as PCP, marijuana can cause raving incoherence. Frequently, the user will believe that he is hearing voices or even conversing with other people. Marijuana has also been known to induce the confusion of commonplace objects with internal visions, resulting in the obfuscation of reality. Long-term usage of the drug may result in a confusion of personal identity and irrational spasms of anger.
The classic bong is a tube with a small bowl (at the end of a thinner tube) inserted through the side, near the base. The bong is partially filled with water for the smoke to bubble through. The herb is placed in the bowl and ignited. After filling the tube with smoke, it is "cleared" by removing one's finger from a hole in the side or by pulling the bowl up and out which is called a pull carb. Homemade bongs are sometimes made with plastic soda bottles. Smoking marijuana through a bong concentrates the smoke, and it is often followed by fits of coughing and laughter.
If you have a friend or know of someone who has been habitually using marijuana, consult a drug rehabilitation advisor immediately.
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