Guy Still Has Waterbed

ANN ARBOR - Tim Terrance is quick to talk about the favorite part of his bedroom (and the one that gets him in with the fairer sex).

"It has to be the waterbed," says Terrance, lovingly pressing down on the reactive rubber bladder. "The second you let slip that you own a waterbed, women pick up that you're something special."

Terrance is a 31-year-old grocery stocker and reshelver at the Kroger on Jackson Rd. by day.

"The world of groceries is always growing and changing," Terrance says. "It's nice to come back to my room - something static, something that hasn't changed since I was thirteen."

Terrance adds that sometimes, it's the wet, wild nights of waterbed life that keep him alive and in the indefinable category of possible late twentysomething.

"Having a waterbed helps me stay young," the semi-bearded grocer says. "Getting rid of it would be like puncturing a part of my past."

Terrance is dismissive of the claims that a waterbed is anachronistic, potentially messy to maintain, and not even in the outer realm of modern posturepedia.

"Are my cats good for my health? No. Are they a hip thing to own? Maybe. And if my cats peed on the rug, would I get rid of them? Lord, no."

"So why would the same standard apply to my waterbed?"

Terrance adds, "If you really want to know the secret of my success, take a look at this."

With a wave of his small, lily-white hand, Terrance gestures to a lava lamp situated at the edge of his ivory nightstand.

"Imagine fixing a batch of Mimosas, laying down on the waterbed, and watching those blue balls grow and collide all night," Terrance says.

"It's so sexual."

Terrance adds that he doesn't even want to know what that experience might be like if he screwed in his black light.

In a related story, Terrance's north wall is decorated with a meaningless picture of a lion on a beach waiting for two ships to arrive.

Says Terrance, "I think about that picture all the time."

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