Blowin' Smoke
Dear Mr X.,
My girlfriend is a pretty heavy drinker. Every weekend she goes out with her friends down fraternity row, gets wasted, and screws random guys. I don't mind her drinking, though. It's just that, after her drinking, she normally stumbles into her car, and drives home. I'm afraid if she continues doing this, she'll end up killing herself or other people. What should I do?
-Troubles with Drinking
Well, Troubles, first of all let me say that although anti-drinking government tests say that there is a connection between driving while drunk and drunk driving there is still NO PROVEN LINK between driving while drunk and driving drunk. The claim is simply a fabrication produced by anti-drinking lobbyists, friends and families who have second hand knowledge of this odd coincidence.
Your friend seems like a nice young girl out having a good time. Support her in her habit and challenge her to test her limits.
Mr. X,
I'm a working mother, and my husband passed away some 3 years ago. I have two youngsters, a girl and a boy, who are 4 and 7, respectively. I feel bad when I leave them home alone because all they really have to do is watch television and I think that's the reason why they always bug me to buy expensive things I can't afford like fancy televisions, computer games, and toys. What should I do?
-Latchkey Mom
First of all, Mom, let me say that products like fancy televisions, computer games and toys do not market themselves to children. I mean, you have to be over 18 to have enough money to buy those things. Therefore, it wouldn't make sense to market to children.
Sure, some people accuse the game industry of getting children hooked onto games at a young age by glorifying computers in film and using cartoon characters in their ads. Hell, most of these companies advertise in billboards and sponsor tier 2 sporting events to get exposure. But do you think writing "NFL2K" on a racecar is some tricky method to dupe your kid into buying a video game?
I'm sick of tired of people insisting that TV, games, toys, and CDs come from a horrible industry that peddles an expensive, unhealthy obsession. I personally think the problem is with you and your husband. It's not a habit; you two just keep buying these things for your children. There's nothing inherently wrong with these products. They're actually safe enough for an unborn baby to use.
Mister X.,
I bought my daughter a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee two weeks ago and this year on her way to a rave, she flipped the car and sustained $35,000 in injuries. I'm thinking about suing DaimlerChrysler, what do you think I should do?
-Despondent Dad
Well, Despondent, I think you should go ahead with your suit. This is one of the issues that I feel very strongly about. The main responsibility of any company is to produce a product that, when used properly, should be safe.
SUVs are inherently dangerous and their manufactures should be sued for the role they play in the deaths of those who use their products. They should pay all of the medical fees, as well as the outrageous sums necessary for mental anguish. Also think of suing others who may be involved: the trusted friend who asked for a ride, or the residents who didn't properly light their roads while your poor daughter was going 80 miles an hour in an effort to get to her party safely. It is only by financially hurting those vaguely involved in the incident (even those who many have only heard about it on the news) that you will be about to secure much needed closure and perhaps a houseboat.
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