Shell Unveils Pumpkin-Flavored Gasoline
The delicious, eco-friendly "Gourd-Gas" is set for release sometime in late October, and will feature aromatic smells and tastes of the season.
"We predict this line of petroleum will be a smash hit, for about eight weeks, or just enough time for people to figure out cars can't taste," said Shell marketing representative Joel Schumbacher.
Though the science of "Gourd-Gas" is debatable, there's no questioning its appeal to consumers enamored with the changing colors of autumn.
"Around this time of year people simply can't get enough of pumpkin pie, pumpkin coffee, pumpkin beer, pumpkin soda, pumpkin rolls," he said. "When you think about it, you're not truly celebrating the season unless you're sucking down your body weight in pumpkin flavoring every half hour."
"Scatter a few cornucopias in the candy section and slap some pilgrim hats on the cashiers, and people forget how bad you're screwing them on fossil-fuel consumption."
Local gas station proprietor Steve Jonesbury has found the move to be effective in attracting more fall business.
"We never really thought that this would sell," Jonesbury said. "I mean, you can't drink the gasoline. It's still quite toxic, even though it smells and tastes like pumpkins."
"Believe me, I've lost good men who tried."
Shell frequenter Jefferson Carr also voiced his pleasure at Shell's addition of Pumpkin-Flavored Gas.
"I've been asking for Pumpkin-Flavored Gas for years now. I remember they used to have it," Carr said heatedly.
"Hey, kid, how long you been workin' here, four years? Yeah, that's right, they had it about five years ago."
In a related story, Snyder's, the pretzel giant, has announced a new line of Pretzel-Flavored Pretzels to coincide with the onset of November, known by many as Pretzel Flavor Appreciation Month.
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