Kerouacian Trip West Impeded By Acquisition Of Graduate Degree

THE HEART OF THE HEART OF AMERICA – U-M graduate Milo Paradiso, '03, remembers successfully launching Westward years ago on a journey to the heart of the meaning of America.

However, sources close to Paradiso report that the trip has been severely impeded by the acquisition of a graduate degree in business law somewhere outside Denver.

“Man, I looked down that long line of degree listings stretching out into the night as far as the eye could see,” Paradiso said, his eyes fixed dreamily on the Western horizon. “I knew then that I had to run into the open arms of the only mystery life has ever beckoned to me - a Master's in administration from the Leeds School of Business at University of Colorado-Boulder.”

"I've got to find Dean, Dean, Dean...Dean Rudolph Schaatke, chair of the accounting department. He's my thesis advisor," Paradiso said, ducking his head low and trudging forward into a future of business law, taxation, and borrowing ethics.

Paradiso’s pursuit of a graduate degree in the midst of a wild, rollicking, nameless, faceless odyssey in search of the Truth came as a shock to his close friends.

“Up on the skytop sky where you see the roofs of heaven gliding and glowing underneath the ultimate ride of all time, sonny, that’s the major polaris, right on!” Paradiso's friends Al Martiory and Fredo Engels sang in unison. “Things Milo will miss, eh? Glowing growing showing, mon frere-mere.”

"Plus, I heard [Milo] enrolled in LS 501, Marketing in a Secular World - that's a tough class, I hear," Martiory added.

In a related story, Fredo Engels, poet and longtime pal of Paradiso, has announced that his nationwide reading tour, "Pop Rock Drillbit Violence & Wisdom," has been postponed in lieu of a job offer from Kozak and Cacchinate, LLC, a garments distributor.

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