Dance Marathon Hopes New Name Will Attract More Participants With Penises

CAMPUS - In a letter sent to its members on Saturday, the executive planning committee of U-M Dance Marathon (UMDM) announced its decision to "beef up" the twelve year-old organization with a name change, in an effort to reach out to a wider, manlier constituency.

After a session that stretched long into the night, UMDM's coordinators finally agreed that "UMDM shall hereafter be referred to as the 'U-M Monster Truck Fight-'N-Fuck Marathon,' (UMMTFNFM)".

"When we looked at our future, we all agreed that our goal was to grow this fucker as big as we can," UMDM president Trevor Dario said in a press statement. He added, "And was that pun intentional? Paging Dr. Freud!"

The committee found that, while females do make up 61% of the earth's population and roughly 63% of campus, there exists a minority of people, called "men," that could potentially contribute to the Marathon's charitable goals.

"We read this study that said that while some gays and Asians enjoy dancing, most 'guys' are wary of it," explains gay Asian UMMTFFM participant Ace Phut. "But studies have shown that 'Guys' have the physical capacity to stand for 30 hours on end. Now the only issue is figuring out how to get them to give a shit."

In preparation of a beef-up, Dario established a naming committee to generate ideas. The members of the committee then got drunk on Natty Light, watched ESPN, had unprotected sex with some sluts.

Hours later, the group submitted a list of recommendations to the former UMDM's executive council before collapsing in a heap of sweat and NY Yankees hats.

Among the names passed over in favor of UMMTFFM were, in third place, "U-M Steak And Blowjob Marathon" (UMSABM), and, in close second, "U-M Come Hang Out, Play Halo 3, And Cook Burgers With The Undertaker From The WWF Marathon" (UMCHOPH3ACBWTUFTWWFM).

Dario said that while the move might appear controversial to people already in UMDM, or that the change might jeopardize the ability of the Marathon to raise money, he was, in the spirit of the beef-up, more than willing to kick some faggot's ass if they didn't like it.

In a related story, though UMMTFFM has yet to secure an arena for the monster trucks, Grave Digger has signaled his intent to be there.

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