Poorly-Behaved Woman Probably Also Not Going To Make History

VIA SIDEKICK - In a surprising rebuke to women's AIM infos everywhere, Jenna Walker, a poorly-behaved 21-year old U-M junior, will, like her well-behaved counterparts, probably also not make history, local historians surmised last week.

Walker, a sociology major who has spent countless nights she can't remember with the girls she'll never forget, has made "little to no headway" in her attempt at making history by behaving poorly, sources familiar with the poorly-behaved woman say.

"There's very little we can see that distinguishes Jenna Walker from a significant number of non-history makers," U-M historian John U. Bacon said. "She is frequently late to or misses her classes, gets mediocre grades, drinks heavily and abuses drugs, and forms destructive relationships with people she thinks are her friends."

"There's not a damn thing historically unique about any of that behavior."

Bacon said that Walker does stand a slim chance of making history by saving a record number of horses via her her choice to, instead, ride numerous cowboys.

He added, however, that while to one person, Walker might be the world, there has been no indication from the world that Jenna Walker is anything more than one person.

Gisele Striker, a renowned Women's Studies historian, said that, if Walker is lucky, there may be room in the annals of women's history for Walker's poor choices.

"The tables this girl dances on, the drinks she mixes, and the friends she rolls with better be pretty strong if she expects to make it on to the list of women's accomplishments," Striker said.

"A few more DUI arrests and we can maybe squeeze her into our appendix."

Striker then admitted that she's always buzzing just like NEON NEON haha Katie doncha know lolz.

In a collective statement on their away messages, Jenna's friends urged her not to cry because it's over, but rather, to smile because it happened, adding that she still has a chance to dream as if she'll live forever and/or live as if she'll die today.

"You'll always be famous to us, babe," Walker's friends txted her. "We're still looking forward to the hot breezes and cool nights of Spring Break '08: Tans, Tunes, and Twisted Margaritas Baby ;).'""

Jenna Walker did not comment for this story, as she was busy dancing like no one was watching, singing like no one was listening, and loving like she'd never been hurt.

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