Student Updates Facebook Newsfeed With Attempt Just Made On His Life

CAMPUS - Tragedy was avoided last week after Dexter Grey, a U-M sophomore, took what could have been his last moments on earth to update his Facebook profile with the news that he had just been brutally assaulted.

Grey's update to his profile which read, "Dexter Grey is...bleding profusly frm multpil stab wunds", was intercepted by Ann Arbor police, who happened to be trolling Facebook around the time that Grey was robbed and stabbed inside his U Towers apartment late Tuesday evening.

"Officers and medical personnel were alerted to Grey's distress signal upon reading that he was no longer 'feeling down about the Wisconsin game :(,''" Ann Arbor Police Chief Dan Brown reported.

"He's lucky - if the AAPD Facebook taskforce wasn't in the same 'People Who Wear Crocs In Public Should Be Shot' group as Mr. Grey, he might no longer be with us."

Brown added that the officers took the news more seriously after noting that Grey also changed his favorite quotes to "Pleez sav mee. Stbbed! I'me goin 2 di>. - myslf" and the equally disturbing, "I love you, and somehow, that's enough - Garden State."

"Initially, we were skeptical. After all, if we responded to every violent quotation that someone posts on Facebook to describe themselves, we'd be arresting everyone that went to a public school or hates a squirrel," Brown said.

Brown said he and his staff were convinced after viewing Grey's recently added video, "Goodby Crul Wolde", which featured ten minutes of a bloodied Grey apologizing for less-than-adequate conduct throughout his life.

"It was a touching video," Brown said, wiping a tear from his eye. "I hope that situation with him and Emily works out for the better."

Doctors at the University Hospital, where Grey is currently recuperating, have upgraded his condition from "critical" to "can't wait for the Ohio State Game :) GO BLUE!"

Back