News Of Slovenian Genocide Alerts World To Existence Of Slovenia
"We are here today to try and understand how Slovenia could have existed all this time without our knowledge," UN Secretary General Banh Ki Moon said to the gathered nations of the world. "There may or may not be representatives from Slovenia within our midst right now, so please refrain from using any Slovenian stereotypes."
"Now, does anyone know what those stereotypes could be? Show of hands."
The silence following Moon's question reportedly deafened several representatives from Micronesia.
Slovenia, according to eyewitness reports, may or may not have gained independence in 1991 after successfully splitting off from its Yugoslavian protectorate over a difference in economics.
"The Slovene are an unassuming lot longing for international recognition and a stake in today’s globalized economy," said Slovenian President Drnovsek. “But try telling that to your average human being. If I hear one more Slovenia joke about how there aren’t Slovenia jokes I’m going to stop laughing politely.”
“Didn’t Slovenia used to be part of Czechoslovenia?” Frank Anderson, an American lawyer, said in an interview. “No, that’s Slovakia, right? Is there a difference? When did it all get so confusing over there?”
Slovenian government officials fear that the ongoing genocide will mar the nation’s 17th anniversary celebration in the summer, and their national motto: "Genocide Free Since 1991."
“Slovenia was always such a nice nation,” recalls former Yugoslavian President Zoran Lilic, “We were a little worried at first. They kept mostly to themselves, never talking to Croatia or Hungary, but then when they turned thirteen they joined NATO and made all kinds of friends. I’m not surprised to see this genocide though. Seventeen is a tough age. They’re probably just acting out to get Bosnia’s attention.”
Experts baffled by Slovenia’s clandestine existence were again shocked to learn, via Slovenia’s website, that the nation is 99.99% white, prompting serious questions as to how such a country could incite a genocide.
The answer may lie with Slovenia’s own citizens, who, unbeknownst to them, have been unified under one flag since 1991. The chief rivals in the conflict are the Austro-Hungarian forces in Northeast Slovenia, the Yugoslavian coalition in the capitol, and the remnants of the Habsburg Royal Army in the West. Speculation abounds that upon being told they all belong to the same nation, one named Slovenia, these combatants would likely end the conflict and set aside their pitchforks and vampire stakes. No, wait, that’s Romania with the vampires. What the hell does Slovenia do?
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