Football Team Excited To Focus On Their Studies

CAMPUS - After defeating the Florida Gators in the 2008 Capital One Bowl, a game in which the team was a ten-point underdog, the Wolverines had many reasons to celebrate. The hard-earned victory was a happy ending to an often disappointing season, serving as a triumphant send-off for beloved retiring head coach Lloyd Carr.

However, the biggest reason for merrymaking among the Wolverine team was the end of another arduous and time-consuming sports season, and the chance to begin a new semester of learning without frivolous distractions or traveling to impede them.

"The most important thing to me is my Kinesiology degree," said freshman wide receiver Junior Hemingway. "The study of bodily motion really is fascinating."

"Just don't get me started on which one is planterflexion and which is dorsiflexion," added Hemingway, blushing slightly.

Hemingway is not the only one to relish the time off.

“I’m finally free to take off my helmet and just bury my nose into a nice, thick text book," said fifth year senior and former football team captain Jake Long, smiling from ear to ear. "You have no idea how good that feels, but I can tell you, its better than pancaking a guy."

Long plans to graduate this spring with a double major in Biochemistry and Microbiology. His personal wish is to someday help cure cancer.

“I am one of the few who could go early in the first round [of the NFL Draft] and make millions, but I know knowledge is power," said Long, adding, "Knowledge and 440 lbs in a front squat."

The stereotype of Michigan athletes, especially football players, as only interested in entering the world of professional sports and desiring nothing else besides an endorsement contract with Nike or Gatorade continues to be proven false as the current batch of players choose to follow their off-field interests.

Some people attribute this to the fact that although these players are indeed athletes, they remain dedicated scholars first. Others say it’s because most of them have no shot in hell of making any kind of lasting career in the NFL.

“Sure, I threw for 373 yards and three touchdowns while completing 64% of my passes in my final game at Quarterback U. But I can’t do that forever, or even for one whole season," said senior quarterback Chad Henne. "That's why I've kept up with the way hedge funds are splitting these days."

"John Navarre set records here, but where is he now?" asked Henne, adding, "Oops, I think he was my History 213 GSI."

Although they share their teammates’ joy at finally putting this trying season behind them, not all players on the team are looking forward to this semester because of their schoolwork and studies.

"I've got this really tough class on the linguistic history of metaphor," starting linebacker Obi Ezeh said. "It's something I've always confused with synecdoche. It's that kind of hesitation that will impair you from playing decent zone."

"Oh well, there's always next year's course on rhetoric."

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