Guy Who Graduated Already Has A Shitload Of Time To Hang Out If Anybody Wants

CAMPUS - Rich Menicucci, a U-M senior who completed all of his credits in the fall term and walked at winter commencement, has a shitload of time to hang out in case anybody wants, sources close to the senior reported earlier today.

"Yeah, I'm not doin' much these days, being through with class and not working and all," Menicucci reportedly yawned during a phone interview last week. "So if anybody wanted to go to Mitch's tonight, I'd be down."

"I've never been to the Firefly Club either, so I'd be up for that too."

Menicucci added that he doesn't even mind having a hangover these days, since he doesn't have to wake up for class anymore like some gaywads he knows.

The already-graduated senior took summer courses after his freshman, sophomore and junior years "to stay away from what a drag home was", with the unintended result that he would be able to graduate a full semester early.

The early exit from classes has left the U-M grad with a lot of free time to not send out his resume and completely avoid his parents.

"If anybody needs a guy to go to the grocery store with, I've got two hands like always."

The senior added that winter graduation was a blessing in disguise since he won't have to deal with the disaster of Spring Commencement.

"Imagine how stupid the administration would have made me feel if I had waited," said Menicucci. "I was glad to take my semi-meaningless Crisler Arena graduation and go."

"They sent me the spring commencement survey anyway," Menicucci said, adding that he voted for a facility that was ultra-safe and that working bathrooms were of utmost importance to him, "just to screw shit up for you guys."

Menicucci decided to live out the remainder of the lease at 404 S. Forest instead of subletting, and has allegedly been making plans to take a year or two off before worrying about graduate school.

"The lease is paid off until August 2009, since I told my parents I was going to triple-major," Menicucci said. "I figure I'll just take it easy in 2008, look for a job, and maybe bug some people walking through the Diag about being lameass class-goers."

Menicucci's year off has so far involved waking up, eating food, watching TV and napping on the couch.

"I've got to relax, dude," Menicucci said. "I just got out of class. Why would I rush back in?"

Menicucci said he thought about traveling, but was dissuaded with the falling price of the dollar versus other international currencies.

"Maybe one of you can take an Econ class and explain to me when it would be most economical to pay for that trip to Thailand I've been thinking about?"

The graduate lamented how much fun stuff he and everyone else could do together if they just didn't go to class, "horse around and smoke and play video games and shit, like freshman year."

He added, "Come on, we all know this copy of Worm's Armageddon won't play itself."

Menicucci later confessed that there was a particularly sad reason everyone else hadn't graduated already.

"You know, I haven't read a Michigan Daily in two months, and I feel fantastic."

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