Confused Freshmen Accidentally Smoke Trees in Arb
“I read this article in the Daily that said there was supposed to be a scheduled burn in the Arb this week, so I knew I had to be a part of this,” Grenton told reporters.
“I was kinda suprised to see it advertised in the paper though, cause I didn’t know the University would support that. I mean I know marijuana’s practically legal in Ann Arbor, but I didn’t know smoking in the Arb could help with preservation of local wildlife and removal of invasive species. I never knew going green could be so easy!” added Jozak.
Witnesses claim a slightly stoned Grenton and Jozak arrived at the Arb Tuesday evening humming Pink Floyd and casually sniffing the air. After wandering around for thirty minutes, the confused freshmen made their way down to the river to take a piss and then continued towards the prairie-like fields, where the scheduled burn was to take place. “I could smell some smoke,” Grenton claimed, “but it was like real burning smoke, like actual trees and actual grass burning, and I was really con- fused. I was also really high, though, so I thought maybe the smoke just smelled different for some reason.”
Renowned local stoner, Brandon Gudger, who has been attending scheduled burns in the Arb for the past ten years didn’t understand why Grenton found the burning smell strange. “Anything that gives off smoke can be smoked, dude. I think I don’t even smell it anymore cause it’s just like air to me, you know. Sweet air. And I’m an environmentalist, dude, green equals gold to me, and gold is money and money buys you weed.”
A few bowls later however, Grenton, seemed unfazed by any strange aspects of the burn, or even the fact that his clothes caught on fire and he woke up burned and half-naked on a shallow bed of rocks in the Huron River five hours later. Jozak found himself following the train tracks just outside of the Arb hoping he would end up at Red Hot Lovers.
Grenton’s friend, Ally Carlson, who is also a freshman, described Grenton’s enthusiasm over the burn. “He was almost more excited for it than when he realized he could try to grow pot in his botany class. I told him the burn wasn’t about smoking pot, but he told me I had to get off crack, which is sorta true, but still the burn isn’t about pot.”
In a related story, Danny Grenton’s mari- juana plant died from neglect two weeks later, though his strange escapade in the arb did inspire his botany professor, Dr. Alan Rickshmen to publish a critically acclaimed research study entitled, “The University Goes Green: More Trees Smoked In Arb Than Actually Exist In Arb.”
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